Oh, friends you say?

When people have wronged you and you hear an apology from them

I know the quality of friendship that I give 

I know that I’ll always go above and beyond for you especially if we are friends

So when I am given a mediocre response to my efforts, it becomes deeply upsetting for me

I’ve befriended terrible people over the course of these last six months

One assaulted me, one obsessed over me, one continuously dipped in and out of my life, the other showed me his truest of colors

Despite their differences, they all have one striking factor in common

They all manage to be weak

They all have an Achilles heel

And despite their deceptive ways, I always manage to draw this out of them

Like cockroaches rising to the surface when the light is shed upon them

There is an evident element of evil in each ‘friendship’ that these people have decided to give me

And my response is and always will be silence

Because silence draws the damning question of “who really are you?” 

When there is no pressure to mask these monstrous qualities

It becomes apparent that these things are who they are

Far from a reflection on me

But at this moment they realize how ugly they are

They’ve become so used to picking at everyone around them that they forget to pick themselves while they’re at it

And even if they don’t forget

It’s the fact that they believe that they are terrible

That no evil lurks within them

That these qualities are all scapegoated towards another

It angers me because they are willing to drag others through their misery before they look in the mirror

It is this behavior that prompts me to believe that humans’ self-serving bias can reach such a peak that it yields to a much darker inhibition that is dormant within them

It takes a certain kind of evil to excuse all problematic behaviors

It angers me because their apologies are to clear their ugly image of themselves embedded in their mind

There is no longer a need for integrity from beings like these

My silence forces them to burrow into this image of self

It lets an overthinker sink in their anxiety

Questioning each outcome

If things were different

If they had done A instead of B

But despite this self-loathing thought loop they begin to conjure, they always find an error in the things I did/do

They still have no mercy upon someone they’ve deeply hurt

And that leads me to believe there’s no hope for humanity

There can’t be

If beings like that roam this earth

And for that, I can’t be sorry

I won’t be

So when you say sorry, who are you doing it for?

Me or you?

Because I’d like to believe that you’re apologizing for your existence

Harsh, right? 

But so were the things you said, the things you did

Your actions

Your words

You manipulative bastard

Your actions

Your intent

Will damn you more than my writing ever will