Thoughts from a mid-November insomnia
Insecurity may seep in. But I don’t let it stay long. It comes in bouts. Remember when... I do. I do remember but I am trying to discover. A world outside of what I once thought was inevitable. A world where I don’t rob myself of happiness. A universe where I just can’t find the words to describe this new feeling. It lies within me. I stopped asking for permission. I stopped feeling my heart throbbing in my throat. I started to just be. To just do. Even if I was waiting for a moment to be wrong, it has come to pass. And unfortunate times no longer await me. We do things scared, sometimes. We do things without thought, sometimes. Sometimes, we are right where we are meant to be in the first place. I don’t mind being wrong. I don’t mind making mistakes. I find that my mind gets me in trouble most of the time. I’m doing the very thing that makes me feel free, alive, endless. All at once. How special am I? To have found destiny and danced alongside her for a time. These dreams are bursting from the seams. Not my fears nor my mind can contain them much longer. I am in my center and I feel the gravitational pull that’s everlasting within all that I do. With purpose. With each breath. I knew it was something special when I forgot where I was for a moment. I couldn’t even recite to you what happened. It just did. And I just... let it go. For the first time. I let it go and let me be.
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