Knowing me through remembering you (melancholia)

I look at myself
And the residue that accrued from the times I fall apart
There's an emptying melancholy that wades in
On and on, it's tide kisses the sands of my lifetime
Footprints in the sand
I run
into the former self I once knew
I run to what I'd hope to be
Just to be once again clamored by the roar of indecision
Who am I?
The projection of what I become through others
Unraveling into who I ought to be
Remnants of what I once was
Am I nothing but the mere existence that I embody in an instance?
At times, I find myself running to this melancholy
These oceans
These depths
Emulsify me as though it were my natal dwelling
In my fleeing
I am living in a state of loss
A state of unbridled paranoia
For in these moments of serene bliss
I recollect that pitter-patter of my feet in those sands
The stifled breath as my heart clenches to my chest
As if my own life force could sense the consuming succession of it all
Tears withheld in time
Footprints in the sand
Nothing last forever